One of my better parenting ideas.

In retrospect (now that my daughter is 23!) one of my better parenting moves was the play kitchen I made for her when she was about two years old. Inspired by some rolls of hot pink contact paper that I had purchased for a dollar at a yard sale, I stayed up until two am one night and fabricated a kitchen out of cardboard cartons, a dishpan (the sink), small paper plates (the stove burners), corrugated tubing (the faucet), some duct tape, and assorted other items from around the house (I spot some things I wouldn't have now, like the Nestle's Quik!)

It was nothing terribly fancy, definitely not like some of the more elaborate ones I've seen since. I figured she would use it for a little while and then we'd discard it or it would fall apart.

Well to my surprise, it became her very favorite setting for all kinds of imaginative play and lasted for many years! Visiting children were always drawn to it too. And once when we ate dinner at Benihana, we got home and she moved the whole thing and turned it around and stood behind it to make it her chef's station. (Which we thought was terribly clever, in the way parents do. Even when it's just normal childhood behavior. But actually, the way children learn and develop is pretty amazing when you stop to think about it. I wish I still learned that way.)

Eventually, after much use, it got quite bedraggled and she agreed it was time to give it up. But when Mr. Nankie started to hack away at it, she began to cry. So he stopped and we waited another six months and then deconstructed it while she was asleep. Shortly thereafter that same space became the site for the home of her beloved guinea pigs, so the pain was assuaged.

It still amazes me how something so simple captured her interest for so long.

Letting kids do their thing....and gain confidence.

This made me happy - to see an activity for kids that had not been ruined by budget cuts or fear of liability. Today, on my walk to the beach, I saw kids getting a lesson in ocean kayaking. I am guessing it was this L.A. County Dept of Beaches and Harbors program. The kids seemed so excited! They looked to be about middle school age. What a great thing, especially for kids who don't get to the beach very often. I sure would have loved this break from the classroom when I was in school, but growing up in Queens, New York, this was definitely not an option.

I think kids benefit when they are entrusted to do "real" and challenging activities (under appropriate supervision of course).  Or perhaps even without proper supervision.

I remember letting my daughter use a chef's knife in the kitchen at a fairly young age and she was quite proud of herself because of it. I guess you have to know your child though, and I knew she was the type to take the responsibility seriously and not take frivolous risks. And of course, I instructed her in proper technique and supervised her at first.  (And now as an adult, she is a great cook!)

I tried to remind myself that there was a time when children were married by thirteen! Not that I'm advocating for that.

I'm not quite as cocky about most physical risks though. I recall being glad she didn't want to surf or skateboard. I'm too much of a worrier. Although I would have let her if she wanted to, but I would have worried. I still worry, even though she's grown up, when she takes a long drive up to the Bay area or is out in her car late at night! As I tell my pregnant patients who are worried....welcome to motherhood, the worrying never really ends, it just changes...at least if you are the worrying type.

I also recall letting her do the family food shopping alone, when she was about eleven maybe? I don't quite remember the age, but I remember her friend's mother being shocked. I guess everyone has to do what feels right to them. I drove her to the supermarket and gave her the list and I waited in the car while she shopped and then I went in when it was time to pay. It was a win/win as I got to relax and she was very proud of her accomplishment.

I think this kind of activity does more to bolster self-confidence then the empty awards that are sometimes given out at schools and camps.